Perfectly imperfect connection
At this point I'm just really running out of ideas for blog headings I think lol. But this was an interesting experience I had with a girl from Quito, Ecuador. I've been thinking about relationships and connections and what it means to me.
I met this girl, who was my host and I kinda felt an instant attraction to her because she was so curious about all the stuff I was into. Fast-forward a couple of days later, we ended up sharing a lot of stuff including doing acroyoga, slacklining, more dancing and eventually I even gave her a massage which really spiced things up haha. I swear it was organic, and she actually asked for it 😅
It turns out that massages really speed up connections, and she reminded me a lot about this girl from the UK that showed me how tantra worked. I don't think it was the same, but we had this thing where we loved caressing each other and it was even more sensual that sex itself. It's as if we spoke a unique language between ourselves.
So what's the point?
The point I'm getting to, is that really strong connections exist at many levels but it doesn't mean all the checklist will be filled. And that was the lesson I learned.
We had lots of stuff in common but... And this is a strong but. We just didn't spark in the ego department. And that's like 50% of the connection. With other travelers that I connected with, it was so easy to go in and out of ego because we understood it was all an illusion. So we constantly danced in and out of ego.
What is ego?
When I refer to ego here, I am talking about the illusion of self which doesn't exist and it's the reason why most humans are unhappy because they feel disconnected with everything else and think they are a separate entity from the limitless universe.
If you want more information on this, Alan Watts talks about this in so much detail that it makes you appreciate how a human being can even find words for something so fcking abstract and infinite.
So anyway, the point is that there was a shit ton of sexual chemistry between this girl and I, but we had a couple of clashes when it comes to personality since we obviously have different backgrounds.
I'm quite flexible and I can roll with the punches but not all the time. This time, I think this girl really pushed some buttons that are called triggers and these are linked to some trauma I had in the past. It has to do with the relationship with my parents more than likely.
I really need to work on this letter to my father, so I can finally close the door on this cycle.
With that said, I send a million thanks to this beautiful Ecuadorian girl for teaching me much more about myself and what needs healing within me.